No matter how much we try to convince ourselves of otherwise, we humans always need to let things out once in awhile. For the past few months, things have been really crazy…on the main front: I moved out, got a job as an EMT, ran out of money, quit my EMT job, sold some belongings to pay rent, got a few independent contract jobs, and now finally I’m a full-time employee making more than enough to make ends meet and then some. I’ve been in survival mode every day nonstop until today..my first day at this new job. Being able to finally know deep down that my bills and rent will be paid on time this month and that I’ll be able to pay off my debt in the next 2-3 years is a feeling I’m having serious difficulty describing.
The financial liberation has allowed me to refocus inside, providing an alarmingly somber glimpse into my relational life. I’ve lost a very dear friend, someone I’ve known my entire teenage/adult life, and it hurts. While I know that the termination of the relationship has lifted much stress, it’s still hard to let it all go. There just comes a time when you realize that the detriments of being close to someone outweigh the benefits…reaching that point took me a long time, but I don’t regret it. I wouldn’t trade the clarity I’m experiencing now for anything…though this has been quite a hardship to endure.
I’m not sure I’ve fully appreciated my friends as much as I do now. Today as I sat on my couch after work, flipping through channels, it dawned on me that my group of friends are basically the first set of people that have really accepted me, loved me, and embraced me for who I am, ever. Growing up I wasn’t very popular, I was loud and annoying to most…friends were very hard to come by. The lack of acceptance earlier in life led to a serious deficiency in my self-esteem, and it’s taken a few years of having such wonderful people in life as friends to really sink in that I’m a person worth knowing and befriending. In addition to that, last year I spent quite a lot of time with a therapist working through the feelings of doubt and self-deprecation, going over the past…there is no doubt that this work was invaluable in finding freedom.
I just want to say a few good things about a few of my friends, and how much I love them.
Sean M. – He’s probably the most talented musician I’ve ever had the good fortune to know. Every time we hang out, the laughter level goes through the roof. We understand each other’s sense of humor, and it benefits everyone Also, if it weren’t for Sean I never would have gotten into Dance Dance Revolution…I know, what a shame it would’ve been. I hope he knows how incredible of a guy he is, and how blessed and talented God has created him.
Taryn C. – When I first met Taryn, we were playing frisbee in a group and after a terrible throw by yours truly, I remarked out loud, “I’m rusty.” A girl about 15 feet away took that as an introduction and replied, “I’m Taryn.” It was an amazing moment She’s a very unique girl. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know her better and I’m grateful for the time we spend together at margarita monday or watching/competing in jeopardy. I like finding out more about the inner Taryn and the more I find out, the more I appreciate who she is. I definitely count her as one of my favorite people because of her awesome personality and zany sense of humor.
Kevin S. – Kevin is the kind of person who would give you the shirt off his back even in sub-zero weather during a snowstorm. He’s given of himself time and time again in ways that really show God’s love to just about everyone. He let me stay at his place for like…at least 15 nights last September/October during the time I was looking for a place to live. Unbelievable…
Mike G. – Mike has been a solid rock of spiritual stability and prayed with me on many occasions when I felt like I couldn’t handle life anymore. He’s been an incredible friend who always makes himself available to anyone in need. If I could pick one person to pray with me, it would be this guy. While I don’t see him as much as I used to, I know there are seasons in people’s lives, and I look forward to the next one that includes plenty of time to hang out with him.
Dayna R. – If it weren’t for Dayna I think I would’ve written off my first year at APU as a disaster. She really embraced me as a friend during a time that I desperately needed friendship. I don’t know if she knows how much I appreciate the time we had hanging out and becoming good friends that first year. Even though I don’t see her much anymore, she’ll always mean a lot to me, and I know there will plenty of opportunities in the future to cultivate friendship again.
That’s all I can say right now…I’m just blown away at God’s grace and how He’s provided such wonderful people a place in my life. I just know that I want to spend more time with all of them, and give as much as I can of myself.
Due to lack of traffic I have permanently closed the forum section.
I just accepted an offer today to work for BTech, a local company in Pasadena, CA that does managed network services. It really comes at a great time, as I’ve been really needing something full-time with benefits and a good path to expansion. I’m totally stoked at the idea of getting out of debt in a mere 2-3 years. Yay!!!!