Oh My Goff

Why is it always like 4-5 months in between my posts? Help me understand…
Life is painful right now. 2 months ago the love of my life, my girlfriend, my best friend, my Melissa, broke up with me. To make a long story short, I put her on a pedestal and it scared her away. We were both sure that we would end up married…at this point she has already moved on and apparently already has feelings for someone else. I, on the other hand, am having an extremely difficult time denying my hopes and dreams for us. I feel like the whole relationship just didn’t mean as much to her as it did to me, and that hurts me deeply. She’s such a wonderful person, but I just don’t understand how she can forget everything like that. Sometimes I just want to curl up and die.
Maybe I’m just not used to break-ups…but then again how can anyone get used to having their heart ripped out?

I guess things could be better save for the fact that we are both youth ministry interns at our church. Having to work with her all day a few days a week has not only kept the pain fresh, it’s put a distance emotionally between us. Before we started going out we had been best friends for quite some time…now I fear I will never have that connection with her again. I know God has a plan through all of this, it’s just supremely difficult to let go and give it to Him. There’s no one else on this earth like Melissa, and I can’t even begin to think about pursuing a relationship with anyone else. I still wake up nauseous every morning with regret at the forefront of my mind…